From Drug Free to Scheduled C-Section

Well we met with Lauren (my Nurse Midwife who also delivered Zelda) last Wednesday and after lots of questions we decided to schedule the C-section for this Wednesday June 24 at 12:30. I had considered still waiting until I went into labor, simply to give Raiden more time to flip, and also because I just believe it is best to let labor start naturally but we opted to schedule because that allows us to choose which Doctor and which midwife will be present for the delivery, versus if I just went into labor on my own we would have whomever was on call that day. I chose the Dr. that already attempted to turn the baby, she is planning to try to turn the baby one more time before the C-section, this time I will be numb (in preparation for the C-section) and perhaps she will have better success, however she has not given me a lot of hope for that. This particular Dr. is also known for being one of the best at surgeries. I also chose to have Lauren be present assisting the Doctor. Michael and I are very comfortable with her, we trust her, and just having her present will calm me immensely.  The C-section will also be what's called "Family Centered," this makes the experience a lot nicer. I will be able to have the curtain lowered, Michael can take pictures of the entire process, and the baby can come straight to me for some skin to skin. Provided the baby and I are doing fine there will be no reason for him to be taken away from us. 

I feel like somehow I have come to terms with the idea of having a C-section, in an odd way I have become attached to the idea. I still think it would of course be great if the final attempt to turn him works, and then we could just go home and wait for labor to start on it's own, basically back to the original plan. But as of now I have resolved in my mind that the C-section is what is going to happen. I am obviously a little nervous about the surgery itself but it's just something I have to get through. It will be an experience for sure, and it definitely gives me a different perspective into childbirth. As much as I want to work with pregnant women or just women in general whether it's as a personal trainer or a doula, it's good to have this other perspective. God definitely knows how to push someone out of their comfort zone. 
There are so many reasons that my first choice for giving birth would be without the assistance of drugs or anything other than the encouragement of my husband or a doula. It's healthier for the baby not to be exposed to so many drugs right before transitioning to life outside the womb, it allows the mother's natural hormones to work properly allowing proper bonding with the baby and ease of breastfeeding after birth. I love feeling my body working hard the way it was created to, I love the challenge, and the feeling of accomplishment after it's over. Your mind is clear and focused after baby is born and you can really enjoy those first few moments of your baby's life. 
C-section takes some of those things away from me, BUT I think it can still provide me with a very cool birth experience, not to mention this is the safest way for Raiden to be born if he's gonna insist on being breech. Nothing against normal breech birth, I know it's completely possible and if it was an option where I am I would probably try it, but it isn't. So I can't spend my time wondering if a normal breech birth would have been possible in my case. 

I am thankful for all of the friends and family who have spent so much time talking to me or listening to me while I worked through and dealt with my emotions. 
I am thankful I have had several weeks to come to terms with this.
I am thankful for everything I have learned and all of the ways I have been stretched. 
I am thankful for good prenatal care and Nurse Midwives and Doctors who's opinions I trust. 
I am thankful for mine and baby's health.

Breech Baby Update, 37 wks 5 days

Unfortunately turning the baby was not successful, the Dr. was able to easily move his head side to side but could not get his bottom up high enough to get a full turn. Baby boy's heart rate showed absolutely no sign of stress but for me it was impossible to relax so my muscles were fighting against the Dr. as well. Because of that the only other option she offered was to have me get the spinal (basically an epidural) so that way I would feel nothing and my muscles would relax enough to maybe get the baby to turn. At first this was what I wanted because I still had it in my head that there would be a successful turn and Michael and I would leave and enjoy the last few weeks of this pregnancy waiting for labor to start on its own. I had even signed the papers consenting to the spinal. However neither Michael nor I felt entirely at peace about that decision and we talked as we waited (We also prayed with Grandma and Aunt Lavonne who were able to be there for me for moral support), and came to the conclusion that we just felt like God was asking us to stop trying to turn him for now. Immediately after making that decision together the nurse walked in to start prepping me for the spinal and we just said, "oh change of plans, we don't want to do that today after all." 

So for now we are home, baby still has time to turn on his own. I think we will still need to schedule a C-section and we are meeting with my nurse midwife this Wednesday to talk about that. If that is what we do, the Dr. has said since I would be getting a spinal for the C-section anyway, she can give it one more try to turn the baby before the C-section. It would obviously be awesome if he turned on his own before that day, the Dr. is of course not hopeful for that but I am. 

My only prayer now is for God to be glorified through all of this, this is most definitely His plan and not mine :)! 

Attempting a Version Tomorrow

Well last week we met with Dr. Beceiro to talk about possibly doing a Version to turn the baby. The sonogram showed that there was plenty of amniotic fluid, the placenta is in the right place, the umbilical cord appears to be a nice length, and baby was estimated to weigh 5 lb 13 oz. All that said there does not appear to be a reason that he hasn't turned head down, it looks like he has plenty of space to be able to do it, of course there could still be unforeseen reasons why he isn't, or there could simply be no reason. So we scheduled the Version for tomorrow at 8am, Michael and I need to be there by 7am. I am not allowed any more water or food after midnight, which I am a tad nervous about because I'm used to drinking water if I wake up in the middle of the night and I have been waking with a little bit of nausea and eating actually helps that go away. I've been chugging water all day to try to make sure I stay hydrated for the procedure. They will of course, hook me up to fluids and also give me an injection to relax the uterus for the procedure.
I'm also a little nervous because the Dr. said it is usually pretty painful for women and often the reason she is not successful at turning a baby is because the mom asks her to stop.
I hope I can just breathe through it and allow the Dr. to do what she needs to do. Lauren, my midwife who also delivered Zelda is supposed to be there so that news actually makes me feel a lot better, I'm very comfortable with Lauren.
Michael and I went up for prayer at church this morning and I have of course been asking everyone I know to pray for this. I am hopeful that it will be successful, and I hope if they get him to turn that he will then stay that way.

Curtain up or Down?

I will be 37 weeks tomorrow. 
Well the last couple of weeks have been a little extra stressful with finding out at 36 weeks that baby boy is breech. I hear the words breech and automatically my mind assumes C-section is imminent, which it is if he doesn't turn. However as people keep reminding me there is still time for him to turn so perhaps I freaked out a little too early, but when you have your midwife telling you "try chiropractic care, try Moxibustion, start thinking about having a Version done, check out Spinningbabies.com" it does light a fire under you to "get to work" making baby turn. 
But that isn't the point of this post, the point is (and maybe it's just the acupuncture talking) after a couple weeks of feeling like I'm on a roller coaster ride with my emotions feeling in control and then feeling upset and out of control, I am done. I am finally free and okay with whatever the outcome of this baby's birth. Birth is very important to me, I have a very strong opinion about how I feel it should happen and when I meet other women who want to experience it the same way that I would choose to experience it, all I want is to help them and offer advice. I have come to terms with the frustrating fact that the hospital will not allow me to attempt a normal breech birth and am seriously considering that a C-section may be in my near future if this boy doesn't turn. 
I realized that I was so focused on my goal for this birth (natural and drug free) that I forgot I was even having a baby! Ultimately there is this beautiful baby boy I have been carrying inside of me for almost 40 weeks and at the end of all of this he is going to be here. Does it matter how he gets here? Yes, to me it does, that won't ever change. But what has changed is that it's okay if he arrives by C-section. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons why a baby won't turn, God knows if this is one of those cases and I am trusting Him with it. 
Yes, I was born by C-section, that's a very personal story and 100% not relevant to what I am experiencing now. 
I realized that all of this stress created by worrying about a C-section was causing me to not enjoy my last few weeks of pregnancy, (because yes these last few weeks can and should be enjoyed). But now I have changed my thinking. Today for example I got to go to the chiropractor, I am seeing one who does the Webster technique that was designed for the purpose of helping breech babies turn. It is supposed to be pretty successful. After that I got to go have an acupuncture treatment done in conjunction with something called Moxibustion, also a technique to turn breech babies, supposed to have a very high success rate. The acupuncture was great! I was incredibly relaxed and my mood improved, although I actually woke up in a pretty good mood today. After that I got to go swimming in a generous friend's pool! She was at work so she left the key under the mat for me! My mother in law was watching Zelda while I was doing the acupuncture so when I got home we all went to the pool and I just got to swim and do headstands and all that while Zelda and Mom played! It was great, I absolutely love swimming and while part of the purpose was also to help baby turn, I just got to enjoy it! 
So my point is I am enjoying all of these things I am getting to experience in these last few weeks of pregnancy. Not to mention allowing God to use it to build my faith! If that doesn't happen through circumstances like this then going through it is pointless. 

Songs speak to me and I heard this one today and I feel like it reflects how I feel right now so here is a link to that!

Casting Crowns "Somewhere in the middle"

36 weeks, Baby position

Well Monday this week we had our appointment with one of our midwives at Lonestar and she checked the baby's position with a small ultrasound machine and he appeared to be breech. This news has upset me more than it probably should but I guess anytime there is talk of C-section it's a bit upsetting for someone who doesn't even feel the need to ask for pain medication in labor because she would rather experience labor and delivery as normal as possible. The midwife was able to see that there is plenty of amniotic fluid and therefore space for baby to move around, so it's completely possible that he's still just doing somersaults in there and just has not settled down in to a nice head down position yet. But I would like him to settle asap! So I am of course doing things to encourage him to get into optimal position. There's lots of good information on Spinningbabies.com. I am going to a chiropractor for the Webster technique tomorrow and Monday I am going to an accupuncturist for the Moxibustion technique as well, meanwhile trying to do yoga and things like that during the day at home (which isn't easy since I'm trying to spend as much time with Zelda as possible).
We are also of course praying, praying, praying and putting this situation in God's hands, doesn't mean I always feel at peace but that's the goal because I need to trust God to handle this.
So sorry this post is quick and void of emotion but I just wanted to get in an update before going to bed.