Riddick’s Birth Story a.k.a The Chronicles of Riddick

Introduction and a brief summary of Logan’s (my 3rd baby’s) birth

Clearly it’s been a few years since I’ve written in this blog considering the previous post was the story of my c-section with Raiden. It’s fun returning here but I can’t believe I don’t even have Logan’s birth written down as so many special things happened in his birth. Logan’s was special because it was my first home birth and VBAC. I had the longest break between Raiden and Logan’s pregnancies and didn’t know what to expect from labor this time around. A couple of the highlights were that I labored so fast that I wasn’t even aware Logan was crowning until my midwife told me to “reach down and feel your power.” I reached down and realized he was almost out but the bag of waters was still in tact! Amazing! At that point Michael was ready to catch him and I have a clear memory of both of our hands reaching down feeling his head just before he came out and Michael caught him. 

Back to Riddick

For context, my first birth was in the hospital without extra interventions or pain relief, I have always desired to do birth as normal and natural as possible. My second was a C-section because he was breech and my third was my first home, water birth, VBAC. So this is my second VBAC and what I am learning is that it’s a good thing I don’t desire pain relief because my labors are so fast that there isn’t time for anything. 

Before you start thinking I’m lucky to have fast labors just know that fast labors are incredibly intense. I like how my midwife described it, “you do the same amount of work in half the time. It’s like sprinting a marathon.” Hopefully that makes sense. 

Anyway as most of you know I was already past 40 weeks and we really wanted the baby to be born in 2021 so on the morning of December 31 after texting a friend and my midwife I made the decision to try taking Castor Oil to get labor started. I have never done this before but from what I was hearing it was supposed to be quite effective and I was pretty sure if I did this I would have the baby that day. I took a Tablespoon mixed with ice cream at 10:30 that morning. (If you’re pregnant and reading please don’t take that as advice to get labor started. There are risks to this method: primarily GI upset which I’m thankful I did not have). I had some lunch and yes I was already having contractions but keep in mind I’d been having lots of prodromal labor for the last two weeks so I wasn’t sure yet if I was in labor or if this was just more of that. I decided to take a nap after lunch and woke around 2:00 pm not feeling much different. I even texted my midwife that nothing was happening. 30 minutes later however, I started to feel them. More consistent but still very minor contractions. I’m learning that it’s hard for me to admit when I need my midwife to be present, although I think deep inside I knew I wanted her there already. Michael texted her and she asked “do you want me to come?” It took everything in me to say “yes.” Almost immediately after that I felt a trickle as my water broke just a little and I told Michael and he texted her what happened. She responded “on the way.” 

My memory is foggy but I think this is about the time we called a neighbor to see if she could come watch our older kids. Praise God she answered and was able to come over right away. I had also prepped dinner and it was already cooking in the Instant Pot on the slow cooker setting. I even went downstairs between contractions and helped my neighbor add some time to the Instant Pot because the food seemed like it wasn’t going to be ready at the scheduled stop time. 

I went back upstairs and I started texting a few friends and family so that they could pray for us as we labored and that’s when I got emotional. I’ve cried a little during my last two labors, it’s just such an emotional process and I’m sure I was feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness but sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what causes the tears to fall. 

At this point my contractions were coming regularly, a minute or two apart and I was mostly feeling the pressure down low around my cervix. Looking back I feel like I was handling them pretty well, just breathing and relaxing as much as possible. My midwife arrived along with her assistant midwife and when she checked me she was amazed that I was at 9cm. That’s a lot of work my body had already done! The catch was that baby boy  was still high and not in my pelvis so I knew the work wasn’t finished yet. I continued laboring as the midwives set up their things for the birth and Michael inflated the pool and then started filling it with warm water. 

At some point during all of this my contractions completely changed to where I was feeling them entirely in my lower back plus they were more intense than before. In my previous home birth with Logan I had only felt contractions all over the front of my belly so this was different. My midwife informed me that what I was feeling was the baby coming down into my pelvis and I instinctively pictured this happening in my mind. I was starting to feel ready to get in the pool but my midwife suggested I do a few squats during the contractions to help the baby come down, so that’s what I did. 

At some point I decided to lay down in bed and I felt a small pop and then a gush as my water broke (we had plastic under our sheets to protect the mattress and I was on a pad that can absorb lots of water) much more dramatically than before. This is the point where the pain level rose significantly, in fact I would say it was practically pain free prior to this. I stayed right on the bed for a couple more contractions and then realized I was transitioning to pushing. They asked if I wanted to get in the pool and I did but it was also difficult to think and difficult to move. Unfortunately I think this is the part where I started to fight the contractions instead of relax through them. Between contractions my midwives helped me get up and into the water. The water definitely takes the edge off of the pain and I found a way to sit down and wait for the contractions. I had a couple where I was pushing and on the third or fourth I think is when he crowned. That contraction went away though and he receded back inside which is totally normal but I was disappointed because needless to say I really wanted him out at this point. I had a couple weak contractions that didn’t do anything so we waited. With the next big one I did my best to really push into the pressure and this time when I got him to where he was almost out I switched my breathing to more of a pant and braced myself trying not to let him recede back inside. My midwife started repeating a couple times “push your baby out” which I probably needed to hear because he was proving to be more of a challenge than my last baby. I kept pushing and within maybe 10 seconds or so he was free, born at 6:00 pm. Michael caught him and handed him to me. The relief you feel when the baby is finally out is hard to describe, the pain is immediately gone and your baby is in your arms. My midwife exclaimed “where were you hiding all of that, that’s a lot of baby!” He did turn out to be 8 pounds and 6 oz which is my biggest baby. All of the others have been around 7.5 lbs.  

Thank you for reading this! I’ve included a bunch of picture from the labor and birth that are raw and beautiful (nothing graphic I promise). My husband set up all of the cameras and took the pictures using a remote clicker while also helping me cope with contractions. We also have a video of the whole process because he set a camera in the room and let it record. As I sit here watching the video I can’t help but marvel at how different things are from my first baby. I’m recovering in bed and there’s a 2.5 year old toddler tumbling around the bed next to me while I hold my newborn. I never pictured myself as a Mom of 4 but God had other plans and His ways are perfect. 

Relaxing between contractions 

Listening to calming Hypnobirthing tracks on my phone

Contractions in the low back

Bracing during a pushing contraction

Finally he’s free

Helping him get excess fluids out of his lungs

Seeing their new brother for the first time

Logan becoming a big brother

I’m sure Michael said something funny

Newborn exam

Weighing that 8lb 6oz baby

The Birth Story of Raiden Zion Shaw

The c-section was also Raiden's birth. I feel like I have to remind myself that because I somehow have the two separated in my mind. They lowered the curtain for me as they pulled him out, and to me that was his birth, everything that happened around that moment was the c section.
I don't really know how to write about this, I want to be as honest as possible without sounding too negative and the truth is I don't have tons of negative feelings surrounding his birth but honestly the c-section experience kinda sucked. There were things that made it better and I am thankful for and will make note of those for sure, but jeez having a c-section is scary. All that said, now I should probably tell the story of Raiden's birthday, also known as C-Section day.
I woke up early that morning and since I couldn't eat I straightened my hair, figured that it would be nice at the hospital to not have to worry about curls. We took final belly pics in the front yard before taking Zelda to her grandparent's house.

39 weeks, day of c-section

We arrived at the hospital at 10:30, two hours before our scheduled 12:30 c-section. I was put in triage and hooked up to monitors for Raiden's heart beat and fluids through and IV for me. I liked our nurse she was young and had a good attitude. Lauren (my nurse midwife) came in at some point and talked to us for a bit, I wish I could remember the conversation better, a lot of it was just silly small talk, definitely helped me relax a little. 

I do remember the anesthesiologist coming in to talk to me about "the plan." I had thought I was just getting a spinal block but he wanted to give me the full epidural. I explained that the Dr. was going to attempt one more Version to turn the baby to see if a c-section could still be avoided, the anesthesiologist reasoned that if the turn was successful I would want the epidural in place for labor and I was like "no I would want it to wear off so I can go home and wait for labor to start naturally." The guy had no idea what to say, look of shock. Apparently our nurse had the same look. Birth without drugs?! Who does that?! Lots of people actually, but anyway, it wasn't really a big deal and the anesthesiologist said he could just remove the epidural if needed, so that was the plan. 

Finally came time to head to the Operating Room. I will never forget walking down the hall to that room, I'm not completely sure when the panic started to set in but I think that may have been the moment. It could have also been upon entering the OR and seeing how bright and sterile everything looked and seeing all of the sharp tools around the room. I did a pretty good job of holding it together but I definitely got nervous when my nurse sat me on the table to prepare for the epidural. I had been dreading the idea of the needle in my back and while it "wasn't that bad" it also wasn't very pleasant.  Everything happened pretty quickly after that, I felt my legs going numb and the nurse and anesthesiologist helped me lay down on my back. Lauren and Dr. Beceiro came in ready for the final attempt to turn my stubborn baby. Being numb was definitely helpful this time, I could feel the pressure of them trying to turn Raiden but I was able to stay relaxed because it wasn't painful this time. I closed my eyes and it actually felt like they were making progress and so for a moment I had hope that the turn might be successful this time. I heard Lauren comment that the baby didn't seem to care what they were doing, meaning his heart rate was staying at a good, normal pace. The were however not able to get a full turn so they tried turning him the other way and that's when his heart rate finally dropped, both of them immediately took their hands off and stopped. That's when I knew it was time for the c-section, and I remember Dr. Beceiro half asking half saying "so we're going to precede with the c-section," and I think I responded by nodding or saying "okay."

The blue curtain came up right in front of my face basically, it's a little weird having it that close to your face, and they began the procedure. Michael sat by my head holding my left hand in his right hand and used his left hand to periodically take pictures across the curtain. I laid there trying so hard not to think about the weird sensations I was feeling. Oh yes, you do feel a lot, at least I did. Lots of tugging and pressure, nothing sharp or painful but it's still weird. I stared at the ceiling, or the numbers on the machine that was tracking my heart rate and blood pressure, and all I could think was I never want to have to do this again. I hate to be dramatic but this is how I was feeling, as much time as I had to prepare for this mentally I was obviously not 100% at peace in that moment. Perhaps part of the difficulty for me is knowing how completely amazing the actual birth experience can be, and how completely different this experience was. I wish I could scream out loud so that everyone could understand how beautiful the real thing is, don't numb yourselves to it! Live it! But I guess that's my own personal experience and I shouldn't expect everyone to agree. 

At one point Lauren peaked her head over the curtain to my side and smiled and said "how you doing?" to which I think I forced a smile and said "good." Definitely helped lighten the mood, thus why I think Lauren is so great! I have similar memories of Lauren smiling at me when I was in labor with Zelda. Women in labor (or having a c-section) will remember very clearly how they were treated by the people helping them. 

Finally they lowered the curtain and I watched as they pulled Raiden out and brought him straight to me. Holding him helped take my mind off of the weird sensations as they began the slightly longer process of sewing me up. The Dr. checked my uterus for any abnormalities that could have prevented Raiden from turning head down. There were none. The umbilical cord was around his neck once (not a big deal) but was nice and long so that would not have been an issue if he had turned. Basically there was no reason for him not to turn, he just couldn't. I am actually happy that there wasn't any crazy story about why he didn't turn. It's hard to explain why that makes me happy but basically this whole experience is just one I was meant to have I guess. 

Lauren and Raiden

Dr. Beceiro and Lauren with Raiden

After they were finished sewing me up they transferred me to a bed that could be rolled to the recovery area. Evidently we were left in recovery for 4 and half hours because they just didn't have a room ready for us. Michael says I slept for a lot of that time while he held Raiden, I don't remember being able to sleep. I remember my face (and eventually everywhere) itching really bad from the morphine, and I remember being really upset. 

I think part of me was and probably still is, in disbelief that a c-section actually happened. It's such a strange mixture of feelings because part of me is actually thankful for the experience. Now I know what a c-section is like and I can relate to so many more women because of it. I am now on the journey of recovery from the surgery while also trying to care for a beautiful, needy newborn. I get to see what it's like trying to get back to the same level of fitness I was at before pregnancy and surgery. As far as c-sections go, mine was simple and smooth. Nothing went wrong. I am 3 weeks out and my abdomen is still sore, but I am healing well and it doesn't hurt to walk anymore. Can't wait to try running again! But for now that can wait. 

From Drug Free to Scheduled C-Section

Well we met with Lauren (my Nurse Midwife who also delivered Zelda) last Wednesday and after lots of questions we decided to schedule the C-section for this Wednesday June 24 at 12:30. I had considered still waiting until I went into labor, simply to give Raiden more time to flip, and also because I just believe it is best to let labor start naturally but we opted to schedule because that allows us to choose which Doctor and which midwife will be present for the delivery, versus if I just went into labor on my own we would have whomever was on call that day. I chose the Dr. that already attempted to turn the baby, she is planning to try to turn the baby one more time before the C-section, this time I will be numb (in preparation for the C-section) and perhaps she will have better success, however she has not given me a lot of hope for that. This particular Dr. is also known for being one of the best at surgeries. I also chose to have Lauren be present assisting the Doctor. Michael and I are very comfortable with her, we trust her, and just having her present will calm me immensely.  The C-section will also be what's called "Family Centered," this makes the experience a lot nicer. I will be able to have the curtain lowered, Michael can take pictures of the entire process, and the baby can come straight to me for some skin to skin. Provided the baby and I are doing fine there will be no reason for him to be taken away from us. 

I feel like somehow I have come to terms with the idea of having a C-section, in an odd way I have become attached to the idea. I still think it would of course be great if the final attempt to turn him works, and then we could just go home and wait for labor to start on it's own, basically back to the original plan. But as of now I have resolved in my mind that the C-section is what is going to happen. I am obviously a little nervous about the surgery itself but it's just something I have to get through. It will be an experience for sure, and it definitely gives me a different perspective into childbirth. As much as I want to work with pregnant women or just women in general whether it's as a personal trainer or a doula, it's good to have this other perspective. God definitely knows how to push someone out of their comfort zone. 
There are so many reasons that my first choice for giving birth would be without the assistance of drugs or anything other than the encouragement of my husband or a doula. It's healthier for the baby not to be exposed to so many drugs right before transitioning to life outside the womb, it allows the mother's natural hormones to work properly allowing proper bonding with the baby and ease of breastfeeding after birth. I love feeling my body working hard the way it was created to, I love the challenge, and the feeling of accomplishment after it's over. Your mind is clear and focused after baby is born and you can really enjoy those first few moments of your baby's life. 
C-section takes some of those things away from me, BUT I think it can still provide me with a very cool birth experience, not to mention this is the safest way for Raiden to be born if he's gonna insist on being breech. Nothing against normal breech birth, I know it's completely possible and if it was an option where I am I would probably try it, but it isn't. So I can't spend my time wondering if a normal breech birth would have been possible in my case. 

I am thankful for all of the friends and family who have spent so much time talking to me or listening to me while I worked through and dealt with my emotions. 
I am thankful I have had several weeks to come to terms with this.
I am thankful for everything I have learned and all of the ways I have been stretched. 
I am thankful for good prenatal care and Nurse Midwives and Doctors who's opinions I trust. 
I am thankful for mine and baby's health.

Breech Baby Update, 37 wks 5 days

Unfortunately turning the baby was not successful, the Dr. was able to easily move his head side to side but could not get his bottom up high enough to get a full turn. Baby boy's heart rate showed absolutely no sign of stress but for me it was impossible to relax so my muscles were fighting against the Dr. as well. Because of that the only other option she offered was to have me get the spinal (basically an epidural) so that way I would feel nothing and my muscles would relax enough to maybe get the baby to turn. At first this was what I wanted because I still had it in my head that there would be a successful turn and Michael and I would leave and enjoy the last few weeks of this pregnancy waiting for labor to start on its own. I had even signed the papers consenting to the spinal. However neither Michael nor I felt entirely at peace about that decision and we talked as we waited (We also prayed with Grandma and Aunt Lavonne who were able to be there for me for moral support), and came to the conclusion that we just felt like God was asking us to stop trying to turn him for now. Immediately after making that decision together the nurse walked in to start prepping me for the spinal and we just said, "oh change of plans, we don't want to do that today after all." 

So for now we are home, baby still has time to turn on his own. I think we will still need to schedule a C-section and we are meeting with my nurse midwife this Wednesday to talk about that. If that is what we do, the Dr. has said since I would be getting a spinal for the C-section anyway, she can give it one more try to turn the baby before the C-section. It would obviously be awesome if he turned on his own before that day, the Dr. is of course not hopeful for that but I am. 

My only prayer now is for God to be glorified through all of this, this is most definitely His plan and not mine :)! 

Attempting a Version Tomorrow

Well last week we met with Dr. Beceiro to talk about possibly doing a Version to turn the baby. The sonogram showed that there was plenty of amniotic fluid, the placenta is in the right place, the umbilical cord appears to be a nice length, and baby was estimated to weigh 5 lb 13 oz. All that said there does not appear to be a reason that he hasn't turned head down, it looks like he has plenty of space to be able to do it, of course there could still be unforeseen reasons why he isn't, or there could simply be no reason. So we scheduled the Version for tomorrow at 8am, Michael and I need to be there by 7am. I am not allowed any more water or food after midnight, which I am a tad nervous about because I'm used to drinking water if I wake up in the middle of the night and I have been waking with a little bit of nausea and eating actually helps that go away. I've been chugging water all day to try to make sure I stay hydrated for the procedure. They will of course, hook me up to fluids and also give me an injection to relax the uterus for the procedure.
I'm also a little nervous because the Dr. said it is usually pretty painful for women and often the reason she is not successful at turning a baby is because the mom asks her to stop.
I hope I can just breathe through it and allow the Dr. to do what she needs to do. Lauren, my midwife who also delivered Zelda is supposed to be there so that news actually makes me feel a lot better, I'm very comfortable with Lauren.
Michael and I went up for prayer at church this morning and I have of course been asking everyone I know to pray for this. I am hopeful that it will be successful, and I hope if they get him to turn that he will then stay that way.

Curtain up or Down?

I will be 37 weeks tomorrow. 
Well the last couple of weeks have been a little extra stressful with finding out at 36 weeks that baby boy is breech. I hear the words breech and automatically my mind assumes C-section is imminent, which it is if he doesn't turn. However as people keep reminding me there is still time for him to turn so perhaps I freaked out a little too early, but when you have your midwife telling you "try chiropractic care, try Moxibustion, start thinking about having a Version done, check out Spinningbabies.com" it does light a fire under you to "get to work" making baby turn. 
But that isn't the point of this post, the point is (and maybe it's just the acupuncture talking) after a couple weeks of feeling like I'm on a roller coaster ride with my emotions feeling in control and then feeling upset and out of control, I am done. I am finally free and okay with whatever the outcome of this baby's birth. Birth is very important to me, I have a very strong opinion about how I feel it should happen and when I meet other women who want to experience it the same way that I would choose to experience it, all I want is to help them and offer advice. I have come to terms with the frustrating fact that the hospital will not allow me to attempt a normal breech birth and am seriously considering that a C-section may be in my near future if this boy doesn't turn. 
I realized that I was so focused on my goal for this birth (natural and drug free) that I forgot I was even having a baby! Ultimately there is this beautiful baby boy I have been carrying inside of me for almost 40 weeks and at the end of all of this he is going to be here. Does it matter how he gets here? Yes, to me it does, that won't ever change. But what has changed is that it's okay if he arrives by C-section. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons why a baby won't turn, God knows if this is one of those cases and I am trusting Him with it. 
Yes, I was born by C-section, that's a very personal story and 100% not relevant to what I am experiencing now. 
I realized that all of this stress created by worrying about a C-section was causing me to not enjoy my last few weeks of pregnancy, (because yes these last few weeks can and should be enjoyed). But now I have changed my thinking. Today for example I got to go to the chiropractor, I am seeing one who does the Webster technique that was designed for the purpose of helping breech babies turn. It is supposed to be pretty successful. After that I got to go have an acupuncture treatment done in conjunction with something called Moxibustion, also a technique to turn breech babies, supposed to have a very high success rate. The acupuncture was great! I was incredibly relaxed and my mood improved, although I actually woke up in a pretty good mood today. After that I got to go swimming in a generous friend's pool! She was at work so she left the key under the mat for me! My mother in law was watching Zelda while I was doing the acupuncture so when I got home we all went to the pool and I just got to swim and do headstands and all that while Zelda and Mom played! It was great, I absolutely love swimming and while part of the purpose was also to help baby turn, I just got to enjoy it! 
So my point is I am enjoying all of these things I am getting to experience in these last few weeks of pregnancy. Not to mention allowing God to use it to build my faith! If that doesn't happen through circumstances like this then going through it is pointless. 

Songs speak to me and I heard this one today and I feel like it reflects how I feel right now so here is a link to that!

Casting Crowns "Somewhere in the middle"

36 weeks, Baby position

Well Monday this week we had our appointment with one of our midwives at Lonestar and she checked the baby's position with a small ultrasound machine and he appeared to be breech. This news has upset me more than it probably should but I guess anytime there is talk of C-section it's a bit upsetting for someone who doesn't even feel the need to ask for pain medication in labor because she would rather experience labor and delivery as normal as possible. The midwife was able to see that there is plenty of amniotic fluid and therefore space for baby to move around, so it's completely possible that he's still just doing somersaults in there and just has not settled down in to a nice head down position yet. But I would like him to settle asap! So I am of course doing things to encourage him to get into optimal position. There's lots of good information on Spinningbabies.com. I am going to a chiropractor for the Webster technique tomorrow and Monday I am going to an accupuncturist for the Moxibustion technique as well, meanwhile trying to do yoga and things like that during the day at home (which isn't easy since I'm trying to spend as much time with Zelda as possible).
We are also of course praying, praying, praying and putting this situation in God's hands, doesn't mean I always feel at peace but that's the goal because I need to trust God to handle this.
So sorry this post is quick and void of emotion but I just wanted to get in an update before going to bed.