I don't really know how to write about this, I want to be as honest as possible without sounding too negative and the truth is I don't have tons of negative feelings surrounding his birth but honestly the c-section experience kinda sucked. There were things that made it better and I am thankful for and will make note of those for sure, but jeez having a c-section is scary. All that said, now I should probably tell the story of Raiden's birthday, also known as C-Section day.
I woke up early that morning and since I couldn't eat I straightened my hair, figured that it would be nice at the hospital to not have to worry about curls. We took final belly pics in the front yard before taking Zelda to her grandparent's house.
 |
| 39 weeks, day of c-section |
We arrived at the hospital at 10:30, two hours before our scheduled 12:30 c-section. I was put in triage and hooked up to monitors for Raiden's heart beat and fluids through and IV for me. I liked our nurse she was young and had a good attitude. Lauren (my nurse midwife) came in at some point and talked to us for a bit, I wish I could remember the conversation better, a lot of it was just silly small talk, definitely helped me relax a little.
I do remember the anesthesiologist coming in to talk to me about "the plan." I had thought I was just getting a spinal block but he wanted to give me the full epidural. I explained that the Dr. was going to attempt one more Version to turn the baby to see if a c-section could still be avoided, the anesthesiologist reasoned that if the turn was successful I would want the epidural in place for labor and I was like "no I would want it to wear off so I can go home and wait for labor to start naturally." The guy had no idea what to say, look of shock. Apparently our nurse had the same look. Birth without drugs?! Who does that?! Lots of people actually, but anyway, it wasn't really a big deal and the anesthesiologist said he could just remove the epidural if needed, so that was the plan.
Finally came time to head to the Operating Room. I will never forget walking down the hall to that room, I'm not completely sure when the panic started to set in but I think that may have been the moment. It could have also been upon entering the OR and seeing how bright and sterile everything looked and seeing all of the sharp tools around the room. I did a pretty good job of holding it together but I definitely got nervous when my nurse sat me on the table to prepare for the epidural. I had been dreading the idea of the needle in my back and while it "wasn't that bad" it also wasn't very pleasant. Everything happened pretty quickly after that, I felt my legs going numb and the nurse and anesthesiologist helped me lay down on my back. Lauren and Dr. Beceiro came in ready for the final attempt to turn my stubborn baby. Being numb was definitely helpful this time, I could feel the pressure of them trying to turn Raiden but I was able to stay relaxed because it wasn't painful this time. I closed my eyes and it actually felt like they were making progress and so for a moment I had hope that the turn might be successful this time. I heard Lauren comment that the baby didn't seem to care what they were doing, meaning his heart rate was staying at a good, normal pace. The were however not able to get a full turn so they tried turning him the other way and that's when his heart rate finally dropped, both of them immediately took their hands off and stopped. That's when I knew it was time for the c-section, and I remember Dr. Beceiro half asking half saying "so we're going to precede with the c-section," and I think I responded by nodding or saying "okay."
The blue curtain came up right in front of my face basically, it's a little weird having it that close to your face, and they began the procedure. Michael sat by my head holding my left hand in his right hand and used his left hand to periodically take pictures across the curtain. I laid there trying so hard not to think about the weird sensations I was feeling. Oh yes, you do feel a lot, at least I did. Lots of tugging and pressure, nothing sharp or painful but it's still weird. I stared at the ceiling, or the numbers on the machine that was tracking my heart rate and blood pressure, and all I could think was I never want to have to do this again. I hate to be dramatic but this is how I was feeling, as much time as I had to prepare for this mentally I was obviously not 100% at peace in that moment. Perhaps part of the difficulty for me is knowing how completely amazing the actual birth experience can be, and how completely different this experience was. I wish I could scream out loud so that everyone could understand how beautiful the real thing is, don't numb yourselves to it! Live it! But I guess that's my own personal experience and I shouldn't expect everyone to agree.
At one point Lauren peaked her head over the curtain to my side and smiled and said "how you doing?" to which I think I forced a smile and said "good." Definitely helped lighten the mood, thus why I think Lauren is so great! I have similar memories of Lauren smiling at me when I was in labor with Zelda. Women in labor (or having a c-section) will remember very clearly how they were treated by the people helping them.
Finally they lowered the curtain and I watched as they pulled Raiden out and brought him straight to me. Holding him helped take my mind off of the weird sensations as they began the slightly longer process of sewing me up. The Dr. checked my uterus for any abnormalities that could have prevented Raiden from turning head down. There were none. The umbilical cord was around his neck once (not a big deal) but was nice and long so that would not have been an issue if he had turned. Basically there was no reason for him not to turn, he just couldn't. I am actually happy that there wasn't any crazy story about why he didn't turn. It's hard to explain why that makes me happy but basically this whole experience is just one I was meant to have I guess.
 |
| Lauren and Raiden |
 |
| Dr. Beceiro and Lauren with Raiden |
After they were finished sewing me up they transferred me to a bed that could be rolled to the recovery area. Evidently we were left in recovery for 4 and half hours because they just didn't have a room ready for us. Michael says I slept for a lot of that time while he held Raiden, I don't remember being able to sleep. I remember my face (and eventually everywhere) itching really bad from the morphine, and I remember being really upset.
I think part of me was and probably still is, in disbelief that a c-section actually happened. It's such a strange mixture of feelings because part of me is actually thankful for the experience. Now I know what a c-section is like and I can relate to so many more women because of it. I am now on the journey of recovery from the surgery while also trying to care for a beautiful, needy newborn. I get to see what it's like trying to get back to the same level of fitness I was at before pregnancy and surgery. As far as c-sections go, mine was simple and smooth. Nothing went wrong. I am 3 weeks out and my abdomen is still sore, but I am healing well and it doesn't hurt to walk anymore. Can't wait to try running again! But for now that can wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment